Stupid Boy
by feathergirl926
Summary: Grissom comes to terms with his stupidity... mentions of GSR, but mostly Grissom angst. Spoilers for this season...


_**A/N OK, guys. I heard Keith Urban's new song, Stupid Boy and for some reason, it inspired this. This is my first attempt at this kind of thing and I didn't have someone Beta it, so sorry if it sucks. Sorry if things seem a little cliché, it happens at 2 am lol…**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing… the characters aren't mine and neither is the song.**_

_Well, she was precious like a flower_

She grew wild, wild but innocent 

_A perfect prayer in a desperate hour_

_She was everything beautiful and different_

Grissom watched as Sara walked back into the hall and out of his life forever. She was moving to New York to be with her new husband the next day. Memories of the past assaulted him.

He remembered meeting her all those years ago, at that lecture. She was unlike any other student he had met, unlike any person he had ever met. She was smart, funny, beautiful. She challenged him like nobody ever had. But she was also young and innocent. So very young. And no matter how much he enjoyed her company, he couldn't get that last fact out of his mind.

_Stupid boy, you can't fence that in_

_Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind_

_She let her heart and soul right in your hands_

_And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans_

_She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens _

_When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't_

_Stupid boy, stupid boy_

_Oh_

When she had first come to Vegas, it was like old times. They talked and flirted. They acted like the friends that they once were, so many years ago.

But, ultimately, friendship was not what she wanted. She made that clear several times. And, as much as hated to admit it, he wanted more than friendship, too. Whenever she walked into a room, he wanted to take her in his arms and never let go. Whenever one of the guys at the lab flirted with her, he wanted to hit them. Whenever she smiled, he wanted to kiss her senseless. And those thoughts scared him. She was still so much younger than him. And then there was the factor of their careers. As he had told Lurie, he couldn't risk everything he had worked for.

It was better for both of them this way. At least that is what he told himself. He justified his decision daily. A relationship would not only jeopardize his career, it would jeopardize hers, and she had worked so hard to get where she was. And besides, he didn't want her to give up her chance at happiness with some younger man who could make her happier than he ever could.

What he didn't realize, however, was how much she had already given up. He didn't realize that she had forgone a promotion at the lab in San Francisco and that she had broken up with her boyfriend of two years just to come to Vegas in hopes of establishing a relationship with him.

So he pushed her away. He rarely worked with her, fearing that he might decide to forsake his decision. He rarely praised her work, fearing that he would never be able to stop. He was short with her, because he didn't want his love to show through his words.

_So what made you think you could take a life_

_And just push it push it around_

_I guess you build yourself up so high_

_You had to take her and break her down_

For years he didn't realize, or chose not to acknowledge, what he was doing to her. He thought that by pushing her away, he would make her realize that she was better off with someone else, someone who could treat her the way she deserved to be treated; to love her the way she deserved to be loved.

He realized too late that he was being arrogant. He had made the decision for her, rather than letting her make her own choices. He realized too late that by trying to protect himself, he was slowly breaking her.

_She let her heart and soul right in your hands_

_And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans_

_She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens_

_When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't _

_You stupid boy_

And then, one day, he surprised both of them. It was shortly after Nick's kidnapping. He showed up at her door and told her he couldn't go on pretending he didn't love her. It was hurting them both, and he couldn't do it any more. He asked her if it was too late. She had smiled and told him that he could never be too late.

They began a relationship. At first they hid it from the others in fear of the repercussions. And then they kept hiding it because they enjoyed having something special, something that was theirs and theirs alone. They enjoyed each other's company while not at work, and settled back into their friendly banter that they once shared while at the lab.

But then came the cases with the miniaturized crime scene. And the fannysmackers. And the crucifixion case. And, probably hardest of all, the case with the child molester. His migraines slowly returned.

One day he came across a letter from Williams College requesting that he consider taking a sabbatical to come help with a graduate course. At the time, it was just what he needed. He could feel himself losing his focus at work, and this was just the thing to help him get back on track. So he called the dean and told him he would do it. He left two weeks later.

He told Sara that he needed a break. A break from work, a break from killers and child molesters. He needed a break from everything. Including their relationship. While it killed him to say it, it killed him even more when he saw her fighting back the tears. It was all he could do to keep from gathering her in his arms and kissing away the tears. But he resisted the temptation, stating that it was better for both of them this way. He told her that he may not come back right away, that he may go back to the rainforest or take some time to travel. He told her that she should move on with her life, that he was moving on with his. And with that, he walked out of her apartment and out of her life yet again.

_Oh, you always had to be right but now you've lost_

_The only thing that ever made you feel alive_

_Yeah, yeah_

When he did return two years later, things had changed. He had kept in touch with Catherine and had known about some of those changes. He knew that Warrick had divorced Tina and was now married to Catherine, with twins on the way. He knew that Nick had changed matured quite a bit and was engaged to a nurse he had met. He knew that Greg was a CSI level 2 and was seeing one of the new lab techs. Catherine had rarely mentioned Sara, knowing it was a touchy subject.

He knocked on Sara's door a few nights after returning to Vegas. He fully expected her to open the door and be angry with him for leaving her. What he didn't expect was for her boyfriend to answer the door in just his boxers. He mumbled an apology to Detective Vartann and asked him to tell Sara hello.

He went to the lab later that night, and ran into her in the hallway. He asked to speak to her alone. They agreed to meet at the diner after shift.

The hours dragged slowly and when it was finally time, he made his way to the diner. She was already seated at a booth in the corner and she smiled at him as he sat down.

"So, Tony tells me you stopped by earlier," she said.

"I did, I am sorry for just showing up like that," he replied softly. "I should have called."

"It's okay. Um, what was it you needed to talk about?"

"Us," he stated simply.

"Please don't do this. Look, I have forgiven you for what you did. I was hurt at first, but then I realized that you did what was best for both of us, how could I fault you for that? So, I took your advice, and I moved on."

"I see. So, umm, you and Vartann, huh? When and how did that happen?"

"Do you really want to do this, Griss?" she asked tentatively. When she saw him nod, she went on. "Well, it was about six months after you left. We were working on this really difficult case together. It involved a family of five being ruthlessly murdered in their house. We couldn't find any leads for about two weeks. When we finally cracked the case, we went out to celebrate. We ended up talking for hours. He told me about his ex-wife and how she had gotten pregnant with his best friend's child. I told him about you and how things had ended between us. After that night, we began to spend more time together. A few months later, after we went to court and heard the guilty verdict on the guy we had arrested for the murders, we went out again. He kissed me and told me that he was falling in love with me… we have been together ever since."

Grissom couldn't help but notice the smile Sara had developed while telling the story. He also couldn't help but notice the look in her eyes. It was a look she once held only for him… a look of love and contentment. He didn't know what to say, so they sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Look, Griss, I am sorry if this hurts you. I really am. I didn't want you to find out like this."

"Just answer one question for me and I will never bring this up again: do you love him?"

"With all my heart."

"Okay then."

"I'm sorry if I've hurt you," she replied.

"Don't be. I am ultimately the one who hurt myself," he said.

_Well, she let her heart and soul right in your hands_

_And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans_

_Yes, ya did_

_She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens_

_When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't _

_You stupid boy, oh, I'm the same old_

_Same old stupid boy_

After their breakfast at the diner, he returned to his empty townhouse and did something he hadn't done in years. He cried. He cried for his stupidity. He had the chance to be with the woman he loved, and he had let it go, all in selfishness. He had done what was best for him and left her with a broken heart, yet again. And when he finally realized how stupid he had been, it was too late.

_It took awhile for her to figure out she could run_

_But when she did, she was long gone_

_Long gone, long gone_

_Ah, she's gone_

A few months after their conversation, he received something in the mail… a wedding invitation. Her wedding invitation. He cried again that night, realizing that there really was no chance now. She was long gone to him. She had realized that someone else was ready to love her. Someone was ready to treat her like the queen she was and loved her the way she deserved to be loved. He cried for the fact that she had lied that night several years ago… he was too late.

_Nobody's ever gonna love me like she loved me_

_And she loved me, she loved me_

_God please, just let her know_

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry_

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry_

_Baby, yeah, I'm down on my knees_

_She's never coming back to me _

Even though it killed him, he attended the wedding. She was a gorgeous bride, just like he always knew she would be. He asked to dance with her at the reception and she agreed.

"I know that coming today was hard, but I appreciate the fact that you did," Sara told him.

"I am happy for you, Sara," he said. "Tony is a great guy."

"Yes, he is."

They danced for a few more minutes before Tony asked to cut in. Grissom kissed Sara on the cheek and started to walk away. He turned around before exiting the dance floor.

"Tony?"

"Yes?"

"Don't be stupid like I was. You have the love of an amazing woman… don't let her go. I did, and I have never stopped regretting my stupidity. Treat her right."

"I will," Vartann replied. He turned his gaze toward his bride. "I know a good thing when I have it… I love you, Sara."

Grissom didn't stick around to hear her response, he already knew.

A few months later, Vartann was offered a job at NYPD. Sara, of course, quickly found a job as a CSI in the same city, and the couple was off to the east coast. LVPD and the crime lab threw the couple a going away party the day before they left.

Grissom was outside on the balcony while the party went on inside. He heard light footsteps.

"I thought I would find you out here," he heard her say softly.

"Hello, Sara," he replied. "You ready for tomorrow?"

"As ready as I'll ever be. Look, I just wanted to say thank you."

"What for?"

"For everything. Yes, you hurt me so many times, but in the end, things worked out. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She heard Tony calling her name.

"I should get back in there… good bye Grissom," Sara said before kissing him lightly on the cheek. And with that, he watched her walk back into the hall, into the loving arms of her husband, and out of his life forever. She was never coming back to him.

"Good bye Sara."

**Please review and let me know what you think… like I say in my profile, I usually ship GSR but as I am sure you can tell, I write Sartann! I hope to write some GSR stories in the future… **


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